By Linda Murphy, Nantucket,MA USAI buried my 21 week old son James Douglas, on Saturday February 16th,2002. I did not want him to always be alone, so I purchased my own place to be buried. We will share a family plot so that the family will always be together.
PROM at 21 weeks + 3 days. Delivery at 21 weeks + 3 days.
Story added: 2002-02-19
He was born and died on February 13th (Ash Wednesday)
I have had a sub chorionic bleed for 9 weeks and could not hold on any longer. My doctors advised me to have a second trimester abortion because the blood loss would be minimal. For moral reasons, I could not do it, so instead I induced my labor.
I was bleeding out very quickly ,the abruption was getting larger as the baby grew.
I was leaking amniotic fluid, but I was bleeding so much that they could not test me for the amniotic leak.
In one day the fluid measured 9 and the next 5. Indeed I had a leak,but because of the blood it could only be verified with ultrasound.
My placenta could not keep up with his growth. My hematocrit went from 35 to 26 in one day and then down to 21. I was told at 18 my vital organs would shut down and I had a very good chance of dying as well. They were upset when I chose to deliver him because of the amount of blood I would loose. If he was going to die, I needed to hold him and let him know how much he was loved. I received two blood transfusions and then induced.
My some miracle I delivered him intact in his amniotic sac and the placenta came at the same time. I did not loose that much blood after all.
You see even though I wanted him to survive so badly, I have five other children who would have been devastated to loose the both of us.
We both recieved last rights during labor and he
was baptised ten minutes after birth.
James was only 15.4 oz, 10 3/4 inches. My little man lived for a little over an hour. The doctors were very surprised. I chose to hold him for the whole time .
In that brief hour he gave me a lifetime of joy. He did not suffer and was at peace in my arms. My sadness comes now after it is all over.
I know that he knows I tried to hang on for as long as I could. I as his mother feel that it was my job to keep him safe and protect him from everything. I am so sorry that my body could not sustain his life. For this I am deeply saddend.
Thankfully I have five other children who keep that smile on my face,but inside my heart a little piece of me died along with my son that day.
I know that I will see him in heaven some day and that comforts me for now. I also have a strong desire to get pregnant again,I am not sure if I will try again as I have had four misscarriages and now the death of Sweet Baby James.
My thoughts are with all who have shared the grief and loss of a loved one.
God Bless us everyone.